


obstacles

by sirengf



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Unrequited Crush, kuroo will be in later chapters, some steamy bits in future chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 15:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30074322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirengf/pseuds/sirengf
Summary: A friend. Nothing more. Friendship should be enough for you. You shouldn’t dare think, nevertheless hope, for anything else to happen between you. You’d surely only get hurt in the end. Why be greedy for something impossible?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	obstacles

“Don’t worry too much, sweetheart”, your mother cooed reassuringly from the driver’s seat, smoothly taking a left turn. “School’s going to be so much fun! I promise you that once you’ve settled in, everything’s going to be just fine. No need to worry.”

You let out an exasperated huff, your tiny fists clenching the hem of your favourite yellow summer dress. A symbol of luck, you had explained to your mother very matter of factly. It had little roses and patterns embroided on it, and in your humble opinion, it was the absolutely prettiest item of clothing you had ever owned. No offense to the sparkly skirt your mother had bought you for your fifth birthday, of course.

“What if people there are stupid?”, you argumented. A very valid concern, you pondered. Your sister had told you plenty of horror stories about her time in primary school. About how the boys had teased her because of her thickly rimmed glasses or about how she got in trouble once just because her friend said something funny which resulted in her laughing. How was that her fault? How could your mother just ignore all the bad experiences she’d expose you to?

“I’m sure not everyone will be stupid, sweetie.”

“But what if they are? Then I have to be friends with stupid people!”, the hold around your dress tightened and your frown only deepened.

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, until your mother hesitantly glanced a your very grumpy form in the rear view mirror. Muting the happy tune of some silly pop song that was played in the radio, she let out a soft sigh as though she was struggling to finy the right words to comfort you.

“Listen, (Y/N)-”, she slowed down the car as she was nearing your school’s building. “I know how frightened you must be. This is all a huge new challenge for you, but it will surely not be half as bad as you imagine it to be. I mean, what are the chances that literally all of your classmates are going to be as stupid as your father?”

Despite your best attempt to stay mopey for the rest of the day, you still had to crack a smile at your mother’s joke, showing off your many toothgaps.  
“Ah, there she is”, she chuckled at the sight of you happy once again. “Do try to behave for me, okay sweetie?”

Rolling your eyes at her question - there was really no need to tell you that, you were always behaving - you exited the car, your little backpack making your shoulders slump forward a bit. “Sure, mum.”

“I love you, (Y/N), okay? You’ll surely be fine, I promise you.”

Your smile tightened for a second, anxiety coursing through your veins. “Okay. I love you more.”

Well, your mother turned out to be completely and utterly wrong.

Everyone in your new class was an absolute moron, a billion times dumber than your dad! The girls all seemed to know each other from playdates and relatives and other social gatherings and had swiftly formed pairs of two when the teacher announced that you could finally choose your seating partner. Which left you with a completely odd looking smaller boy who wore a too large sweater and had a way too stuffy nose. It didn’t surprise you that none of the boys wanted to sit next to him either.

As soon as you sat down on your chair, he shoved had shoved his things as far away as possible from you as if you’d have the flu! You just couldn’t believe a stranger could be so incredibly rude to someone he’d just met.

Class itself was okay enough, you supposed. The teacher was a nice, pretty old lady who tried her best to make everyone feel just a bit more welcome by playing a few games and assuring you that the oh so dreaded homework wouldn’t be as bad as we believe it to be. You made a mental note at that not to trust your sister anymore when it came to school matters.

“You’re Keiji, right? Keiji Akaashi?”, you asked when you saw him sitting alone during break time, munching on his homemade onigiri. He wasn’t your first choice to start a conversation with, but truth be told the girls here seemed to be even less open to converse than him. And the boys were just interesed in running around the schoolyard, chasing each other until they’d end up with scraped up knees and bloody noses

“How do you know?”, he muttered, still not really looking at you. His bento box was apperantly way more interesting than anything you had to offer to him.  
“You uh- You mentioned your name when Mrs Carlson played that introduction game with us - That one with the ball of yarn. Remember? I’m (Y/N).”

“Oh. Right", his glance lingered on the hem of your dress for a second, hesitating to move any further up and meet your own curious eyes. Needlessly to say, you were absolutely confused by his strange behaviour. Did he just lack manners or was he scared of your advances on him?

His lack of response didn’t help at all to lighten up the awkwardness between you two as you finally decided it’d be best to just sit down next to him. You were immediatly rewarded by your action as Akaashi shimmied a few inches away from you, warily staring at you from the corner of his eyes.

Frowning at his reaction, you defiantly crossed your arms in front of your chest, huffing in frustration. “Why do you hate me so much? I’m trying to be real nice to you and you’re just acting act like a real butt!”

Akaashi was obviously set back by your little outburst, his head snapping in your direction for the first time. But instead of the expected regret or shame you only read surprise in his wide, brown eyes.

“You’re the one who rolled her eyes when she realized she had to sit next to me. I saw that! I don’t want to be friends with people who only want to be friends with me out of pity, that’s stupid. Especially girls.”

You could practically feel the heat rising up to your cheeks, tinting them an embarrassingly bright shade of pink. “I’m- Sorry. You just looked super grumpy already, so I didn’t want to sit next to you.”

His eyes widened. “Wha- I didn’t look grumpy!”

“You so did! You looked like you’d rather sit next to anyone but me.”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Uh-huh! Lying is forbidden!”

He rolled his eyes at your persistence, but you could see a small smile tucking at the corners of his lips, making his whole demeanor instantly seem more inviting than before - a complete 180 from the sour little boy you had met a few hours ago.

“I know the other boys from preschool, so I kind of knew that they wouldn’t want to sit next to me. They never really liked me much, so I was a bit angry at that, I guess”

“What?! No way, that’s so mean of them!”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want to sit next to them either”, you grinned at each other as your eyes met and the heat in your cheeks arose once again. “But we still can’t be friends. I don’t really like girls that much.”

“What? Why’s that?” You were utterly confused by that statement. After all, weren’t girls infinitely better than stinky boys?

Akaashi seemed to inwardly sigh at your question, brushing his thick mob of dark, shiny hair out of his eyes in a very serious manner. “Girls are really stupid. They only like makeup, being mean, talking about boys and- and dressing up and making fun of me.”

A big question mark was written all across your face at that. You didn’t know a single person that this description would fit - You weren’t even sure such people existed.

He must have taken note of your bewildered state and quickly clarified. “My sister. She uhm- she can be really mean sometimes. And she makes fun of me sometimes.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m smaller than her - which I can’t do anything about! Mum said that I’m still a growing boy! - because of the things I like…”, he trailed off, thus only piquing your interest.

“What kind of things?”, you asked, wide eyed.

Instead of giving you a clear answer, he reached behind him to take something out of his school bag, avoiding eye contact at all cost as he finally pulled out a whole array of what seemed to look like magazines.

You let out a gasp. It was absolutely glorious.

“Oh my god, you like Detective Conan too? I love it!”, you squeaked in excitement.

Only after your enthusiastic response, he opened his eyes again, his grin now matching yours. “I thought girls don’t like Conan!”

“What? No! Your sister just likes stupid stuff! Conan is totally awesome! My cousin gives me all the mangas he finished so I have a ton at home, if you want to you can come to my place and read them with me.” And by reading them with you, you meant you’d beg your mother to read the little murder mysteries to you and your new found friend.

Akaashi’s eyes sparked up at that, obviously interested in that idea. “That’d be so much fun! And-… and I’m sorry for thinking you’d be as stupid as my sister.”

“It’s okay. My sister is just as stupid, trust me.” You both burst out into a fit of giggles at that.

Maybe - just maybe - your mother wasn’t so wrong after all.

—————————————————

Summer had always been one of your favourite seasons. Eating strawberry ice cream under the cherry tree in your grandma’s backyard, going to the beach with Keiji and - most importantly - making daisy chains for your friends, just like you were doing right now. You were already half way done when Akaashi shifted next to you, adjusting the glasses on his nose - usually a sign that he must have reached a particular juicy part of the book he was reading.

“Did anything cool happen?”, you asked absent mindedly, still too focused to pay him much mind.

As it had turned out, Akaashi’s love for books only grew with him, his parents even gifting him his own library card for Christmas last year. Since then he was rarely seen without a book in his hand by his peers.

He promptly sat up, kicking the book out his lap. “I can’t even concentrate on reading when they’re being that loud”, he declared, motioning to the soccer field of your school yard. Mrs Carlson had given the boys of your soccer team the last two periods off and - since most of you deemed it unfair if you had to sit in class while they were outside - she had permitted the other children to go outside with them. Only to cheer them on, of course. But since neither you nor Akaashi were practically interested in the ongoing game, you were content with just sneaking off to a shadowy place and do as you please.

You still had no idea why the other girls in your class were so fascinated, watching the boys run around the yard and sweat like pigs in their handmade jerseys. But then again, you also didn’t really understand why the boys were so into kicking around a dirty ball for almost two whole periods. A sentiment Akaashi whole heartedly agreed with.

He really wasn’t the sporty type, you mused, gaze wandering over to where he was sitting next to you.

“What?”

“Huh?”

“Come on, why are you staring at me?”, he asked, brows furrowd.

“No reason. I was just- wondering about something.”

A sigh on his side. He closed his book, finally giving you his full attention. “Alright, alright, you’ve got me. Spill.”

“I just thought how odd it is that most guys are so into stupid sports and how you- well, just don’t really care about them. Like at all. That’s kind of funny if you think about it, isn’t it?”

Akaashi rolled his eyes, not paying any heed to the cheering crowd of your fellow students.“How is that funny? You aren’t interested in sports either.”

“Am too! The dancing lessons I take totally count!” If one could actually call them dancing lessons was still up to debate. It was mostly just a few girls from different school holding hands and twirling one another and spinning around in a circle - but hey, you were quite proud of it.

That finally seemed to lure out one of his wide smiles - the one where his eyes glinted in amusement and his nose crinkled at the sides, your favourite kind - yet the nature of his smile was short lived as the football they others played with flew right across the field and hit the tree you two were sitting under, landing right on top of your head.

You could feel the pain start to build up at the spot the hard leather had hit, hot tears threatening to spill at any given moment. The embarrassment of everyone just staring at you - mouth agape, eyes wide shock - only fueled your urge to just burst out in tears right then and there. Needless to say, Akaashi was pissed.  
“Are you all blind or are you just that bad at playing?”, Akaashi hissed at no one in particular, his eyes darting between the players as he got up from his spot to kick the ball as far away as possible from you.

Quickly gaining their composure back, the team captain - Bokuto Koutarou, a very popular kid with a confident smile and a wild mop of hair - rubbed the back of his neck abashedly. “Uhm- uh. Sorry, I didn’t mean to!”

Even though you were busy, looking down in both pain and shame, trying not to cry, you were certain that Keiji must be glaring daggers at Bokuto. He always had a little feud going on with him - a feud you had frankly, never quite understood. Bokuto was popular with all his classmates yes, but that didn’t automatically make him a bad person, did it? He even defended Akaashi from some of his friends who liked to make fun of him for no particular reason. Those horrible bullies!

“Of course you didn’t,” Akaashi spat and you could almost feel the venom drip from his words.

You lightly tugged at your friend’s pant leg - signaling him that maybe it’d be best if he’d just let it pass - and wiped your tears away with the back of your hand. “I’m- I’m okay. Don’t worry.”

Your words seemed to draw him back in, eyes quickly wavering down to you.

“Listen to your girlfriend, Akaashi!”, Shelly-Anne Tatum who must have overheard your attempt to calm Keiji down, sneered at both of you, a haughty smirk on her thin lips. You disliked only very few people and that very rarely, but it was safe to say that, in this moment you didn’t hate anyone more than you hated Shelly Tatum.

His cheeks turned bright pink at her remark and you could hear some of the girls surrounding Shelly starting to giggle.

“Shut up, Tatum!” And with that he finally settled down next to you again, arms crossed in front of his chest, face still flushed.

Truth be told, you were expecting Keiji to be embarrassed by her stupid accusation and be a bit weird afterwards, but it still stung a bit that he couldn’t even bring himself to look at you after that. As though he was ashamed of you. Even after everyone had started to cheer for the game instead and pay the two of you no more attention. It was only after Bokuto scored another goal for your class’s team that he dared to take a peek at you, adjusting his glasses.

“Does it still hurt? It looked like he got you pretty bad.”

“No, it’s fine, really. It didn’t even hurt that much in the first place.”

“Liar”, he delcared, making you giggle in the process. “We should probably still go to Mrs Carlson to see if you’re okay.”

“No! Please, Keiji. Everyone already thinks I overreacted, I don’t want them to think I’m doing this for attention. Besides I uh- really don’t want Koutarou to feel bad, because of me. He didn’t mean for the ball to fly so far away”

Huffing out a single bark of laughter, Akaashi rolled his eyes at the mention of his oh so hated classmate. “I really don’t see why you like him so much, (Y/N). He’s so… simple.”

Simple? you raised an eyebrow at that.

“Oh come on, Keiji, you’re being mean. He is just- uhm”, you could feel the heat rising up in your face as you tried to find the right word to describe him without giving away too much of your fondness for him. “He’s nice. He even invited me to go play with the playstation his dad bought him last summer.”

“Whatever. I think, he’s stupid. He and all his stupid friends.” There was this certain finality in his voice, so you decided it’d be best if you didn’t press him anymore about the topic of Bokuto Koutarou . Well, for now that is.

“Are you done with it?”

“Hm?”

“With the daisy chain you were working on. Are you done with it?” He motioned to the woven flowers in your lap, a quiet smile tugging on his lips.

“Oh! Yeah, I’m done! It isn’t my best work, but it’s still pretty enough, don’t you think?”

Keiji laughed. “Whatever you say, Picasso.” He already moved to place the floral arrangement ontop your head, when you ducked away from him, your brows furrowing in mock offense.

“Hey, hey- I made it for you, not for me.” Wasn’t that obvious? You had a whole garden full of flowers you could make chains with at home. Why would you need another one?

He stared at you for a second - You swore you never saw him so… what was it? Surprised? Shocked? You couldn’t quite tell - before he dumbly stared at the daisy chain in his hands. “Oh- uhm. I’ll wear it later, I promise.”

You giggled, finding amusement in his flustered state. “You better. Maybe they can even work their magic and actually make you look pretty for once.”  
And with a playful shove on his side - only making your chuckles growing louder, you and Keiji decided to ignore the others for the rest of the day.

—————————————————

Thirteen was supposed to be a rough age for everyone, you had been told by teachers and friends alike.

Your body would be going through changes, both mentally and physically. You would start liking stuff you didn’t like before and you’d be embarrassed by the things you used to play with. You would get more stressed out because of school and the many responsiblities of slowly but surely becoming an adult. You had appreciated that advice back when they had given it to you, taking every bit of information to heart and clinging onto it like your whole existence depended on it.  
Yet no one could have foreseen the trials you actually would have to go through at the young age of thirteen. No one had warned you about the emotional trauma. And honestly, who were you to blame them? Who could have known?

No one could have known that your father would lose his job without any warning beforehand, thus knocking your family into severe financial debt and your mother into severe depression. No one could have known your father would ignore his wife’s poor state of mind and his two children and would try to find the solution to his problem in alcohol.

Yes, no one could have known that would happen. Yet it did. It did and instead of the expected help you thought would get from grown ups, you had to be content with pitiful smiles from teachers and strangers alike. The resentment and bitterness you felt from it was hard to suppress sometimes.

“Do you want to stay at Keiji’s place tonight?”, your mother said, her bright smile seeming so much more tired and worn out than it had only a few years ago. Sometimes you really hated yourself for being so helpless, for not being actually able to help your mother through this tough time.

“What about you guys?” You didn’t like leaving your older sister behind.

“Ah, your sister said she’d study a bit longer in the library for her finals. Your father will already be asleep when she comes home.”

“...And what about you?”

Her smile faltered a tad and you felt like you were about to vomit. “I still have to cook before he comes home. You know how much he likes his chicken.”  
Were you a bad daughter for leaving your mother so often alone with him, you often wondered to yourself. He had never hit you once and would also probably never do so, but didn’t see the fault in becoming violent towards your sister and mother.

Leaving felt like deserting them, but staying felt like a punishment.

You swallowed the bitter taste in your mouth, hoping your small smile would give your mother at least something to hold on to. “I’ll- uhm. I’ll call him, ask if his mum’s okay with me staying.”

Were you a bad daughter? A bad person? You couldn’t tell anymore.

The ringing on the other end of the line had become familiar by now as you mockingly mimicked the doot doot doot, waiting for Keiji to pick up. He never let you hanging for too long. And sure enough after the fourth ringing of his telephone you heard clicking, followed by his breathless voice greeting you.

“Hey, what’s up?” Despite everything you still had to smile, thinking about a panting and out of breath Akaashi, trying to sound as if he didn’t run as he heard the telephone ringing.

“Not much, just bored.” You both knew that you were not telling the truth, but who was he to call you out on that. “I thought- Maybe we could do another movie night together. I can bring the snacks if you’ve already spent your pocket money.”

You could almost see him starting to smile. “Well, not all of us can only spend money on themselves, you know.”

“Whatever do you mean by that? I’m almost always buying the snacks for us!”

“Yeah, after I had to pay for your dinner like the tenth time this month alone”, he laughed and you laughed with him. “But I’ll let that pass, because it’s you.”

“How generous of His Majesty to pardon my sins.”

“Ah well… That’s just how I am, my child.”

“Child? Ew, thanks grandfather.”

“Yeah, I heard it as soon as I said it”, his laughter died down a bit and you already knew what his next question would be. “Should I tell my mother that you’ll be staying the night?”

You shouldn’t feel ashamed for being asked that. For fuck’s sake, it’s Keiji and his family we’re talking about. They have always welcomed you in their house and never turned you down when you were in need of help. But you hated how hesitant he tended to sound when he’d ask that, how careful he’d phrase it. The artificaial gentleness laced in his every word.

You were running away from home so you wouldn’t have to deal with your father. No need in sugarcoating it.

Suppressing a sigh, you rubbed the bridge of your nose, trying to soothe your nerves. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Alright. Do you want us to get you? I think Ami should be back from practise soon and she owes me a favour anyway.”  
You let yourself smile. “What’d she do?”

“Caught her sneaking out past 10 again and she offered to do me a favour if I can keep my mouth shut.” He cleared his throat. “So? How about it?”

“Only if she won’t be mad at us.”

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry.” Of course, it wouldn’t be a bother for Ami. Keiji had told her long ago of your ‘family situation’ and had treated you with extra care ever since, very careful not to upset you in any way. A bit embarrassing, truth be told.

“And you’re not tired?”, you asked. You hoped to god, he didn’t notice the waver in your voice as you tried to ignore the tight knot in your throat.

“Why would I be?”

“Didn’t you join the volleyball club last week? I’d hate to impose on-”

“You’re not imposing. Please, I’d tell you if you were, okay?”, the sincerety in his voice was hard to ignore. Fuck, you couldn’t start to cry now.

You sniffled. “How long until you’ll be here?”

“Ah, it’ll only be like 15 minutes. See you then.”

“You too, Keiji. And- thank you. I mean it.”

A pause. He knew exactly what you were thanking him for. “Always.”

—————————————————

“Can Laura Johnson just mind her own damn business? It’s like her eyes are glued to us or some shit”, you muttered angrily to Keiji, who was still very much busy balancing his already half melted cone of ice cream in one hand, while simultaneously trying to stow away his change back into his pocket. A task that proved to be a bit more challenging than originally thought, since your attention was still on the girl in question.

Laura was a very pretty girl. A lot of the guys in your class were absolutely smitten by her, even Bokuto Koutarou - much to your dismay - seemed to be a bit infatuated with her.

“Yeah, really unbelievable”, he muttered. “Can you- damn it- can you help me for a second?”

You stifled a chuckle as you noticed Keiji’s struggle, quickly freeing him of his ice cream cone, taking a big bite of it yourself. Rolling your eyes at your action, Akaashi finally succeeded in shoving his money in his pocket and pushed his glasses up with a triumphant smile. What a dork.

“Thanks”, he smiled, while you were still busy staring daggers at Laura Johnson’s table. “And thanks for infecting my food with your germs. How nice of you.”

You laughed, letting your tongue catch the droplets of the melting ice once again. “It’s strawberry, Keiji! You know I can’t resist.”

“Of course. I should have known that you were about to assault my poor dessert.” He shook his head, smiling at your antics.

“But can you believe her? I mean, what the hell? What did we do for her to be so damn interested in us?”

He scratched the back of his neck. “Ha, yeah. why would she be interested in us?”

Despite your obvious annoyance with the situation, Akaashi showed no such strong reaction. It wasn’t very uncommon for him to be the voice of reason between the two of you or well, be just generally calmer than you. While you were a whirlwind of emotion and drama, he’s the calming enery that puts you back into reality. For better or for worse, heavily depended on the situation, yet you were always grateful nontheless.

But something about Akaashi’s composure seemed rather odd to you. It seemed almost fake? In a way? Almost as though he was determined to hide something from you.

Leaning forward, you narrowed your eyes at him, then let your gaze wander to Laura again, trying to find a possible connection between the sweet and beautiful Laura and your studious and gentle-

“Oh my god!”, you shrieked, albeit a bit louder than intended. “You and- and Laura?! I can’t believe it!”

Without even hearing the end of your conclusion, Keiji immediatly flinched, his ears turning a very deep shade of red - only confirming your intial suspicion. Your mouth agape, you quickly rose from your chair, rushing to exit of the ice cream shop as quickly as possible, ice cream cone somehow still clenched in your hand - but you could honestly care less, about the sugary mess coating your fingers and running down your hand.

You hadn’t even noticed Akaashi exiting the store between you, still feeling anger bubbling up inside you.

“(Y/N), can you please - damn it - slow down!” He grabbed your wrist, finally stopping you in your tracks as he spun around to face him, a mean scowl was written all across your face. You finally discarded of his snack by throwing it on the ground.

His gaze drifted from the mess on the ground then back to you again, a faint hint of amusement in his eyes. “Well, now you just owe me another one.”

“I can’t believe you have a thing going on with Laura ‘sweetheart of the entire school’ Johnson! I- I just can’t believe it! How could- Why- How?”

“What, do you really think it’s so unlikely that a girl would be interested in me? Seriously you’re acting as if I just committed the worst atrocity known to mankind, (Y/N), can you please calm down.” Objectively you knew he was right. For fuck’s sake, you were in the middle of the street yelling at him, you should at least quiet down. Yet you just couldn’t contain the whirlwind of emotion within you, even if you tried to.

“Calm down? I can’t- Why should I calm down?”, yet your voice wavered in tone, feeling lightheaded. Akaashi seemed to notice, gently maneuvered you into a bit of a less crowded space, nodding to the many people staring you disapprovingly.

“I really can’t see your problem!”, he finally hissed, looking more bewildered than angry at your outburst. “So what, I kissed Laura a week ago after the last game we played. What’s the big deal? When you went home early, she saw I was all by myself, waiting for Bokuto to come out and wanted to keep me company. Why the hell are you upset about that? Am I supposed to report all my romantic endeavours back to you to see if you approve of them?”

“Well uh- yes. No! Fuck, maybe?” Why did it feel like you were lying? This was the reason you were mad at him, wasn’t it? An important milestone happened to your friend and he didn’t even see the need in telling his very best friend about it. Wouldn’t any other good friend be mad at him?

“I don’t know! Fuck, I don’t know what I would have wanted. I- would have just. Goddamnit, Keiji.” You felt the heat rise up to your cheeks. “You had your first kiss with one of the most popular girls in our whole class. I don’t care it was her in particular but it was a whole week ago! A week! Why didn’t you tell me by yourself?”

Akaashi’s confusion only seemed to grow at your strange explanation and you couldn’t blame him. Even you felt the insincerity ooze out of your words. He frowned, trying to reach out to you once again by laying his arm around your shoulder, yet you denied him, taking a step away from him. You just couldn’t pinpoint why you were so very mad - No, not even mad, just immensely, fucking upset. Every fiber in your body just felt like revolting when you pictured Laura Johnson’s angelic, beautiful face, pressed up in a kiss against Keiji’s, feeling bile rise up in your throat.

“I didn’t know that you’d be so mad at me for not telling you”, Akaashi muttered, seemingly starting to accept your excuse - explanation, not an exucse. “If I had known how hurt you’d be, I would have told you sooner. I’m sorry.”

The tone of his voice ringed a familiar bell inside you. A bell you didn’t like to revisit often.

You shook your head, lips quivering. “No, no, you know what? You were completely right, I’m so sorry. You’re already trying your best to include me as much in your life as you can. I shouldn’t demand to be top priority like this, it’s-”

“(Y/N), you are top priority in my book. Don’t you even dare to think that you aren’t. I guess, I was just embarrassed by it all. I don’t think Laura liked it very much. The kiss, I mean. She hasn’t talked to me since and always sends me these suggestive glances as if I’m supposed to know what she means. Probably not the best first kiss experience, is it?”

Why did that not make you feel better in the slightest?

“Well, at least you already had your first kiss now”, you answered. There was an undeniable note of bitterness laced through your statement. You were quite surprised that Keiji didn’t pick up on it as he usually tended to be the more observing one between you. “Now I’m the only one who kind of remains unkissed.”  
You didn’t say anything. That should be answer enough for him to come to his own conclusions. Akaashi sighed after a moment, like he’d been expecting to hear that from you.

He squeezed your shoulder in an attempt to console you. Why did he have to be so goddamn understanding all the time? Damn you Akaashi Keiji. “You shouldn’t be worried about that. You’re - we’re - still young, (y/n). I’m sure that you’ll get-”

You make a whimpering nose at the back of your throat as you finally gave in to his warm demeanor and leaned your forehead against his chest, closing your eyes. “Please, Keiji. I know you mean well, but can we just forget I ever acted like that? Don’t worry about me, it’s so embarrassing.”

He sighed. “You know, I can’t just not worry about you. That’s not how frienship works.”

“I know. But you can’t always be there for me. And you shouldn’t. We’re not ten anymore, I should learn how to deal with things on my own and accept that a time will come when I’m not going to be as important to you as I used to be.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but that’s just idiotic.” It was your turn to look at him in bewilderment. “You can’t just decide for me that I shouldn’t care for or worry about you. As you said, we might not be ten anymore, but that doesn’t mean I can - or should - drop you just like that just because we’re growing up. That’s unfair to the both of us and diminishing our whole friendship. Let me be the judge of who I consider to be important in my life or not. That isn’t up to you.”

It would be understatement to say that you felt your heart almost tear open your whole ribcage at his words, as you stared up at him with wide eyes. Keiji was still holding you close by your shoulders, the smile that was painted on his lips only softening his pretty features.

Never. You had never felt like this in his presence. Even though arguing came very natural to you, you wanted to believe what Akaashi said. You wanted to believe that you’d always be a part of his life and a good friend. You wanted to believe you were as important to him as he said you were.

A friend. Nothing more. Friendship should be enough for you. You shouldn’t dare think, nevertheless hope, for anything else to happen between you. You’d surely only get hurt in the end. Why be greedy for something impossible?

You shrugged, shyly smiling up at him, only flickering the slightest bit.

“Okay.”

He raised an eyebrow at you - half teasing, half concerned in nature. “You sure?”

You weren’t. “Sure, I am.”


End file.
